Jar of Awesome

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When you lack perspective

They say hindsight blabla bla, and that you can see the tres in the forest. when in the whol I do not see the light a tthe end of the tunel or the way out, I am just there numb.

Eventually I get myslef out but it takes everything of me to do so. Twice in my life i have been in the numb whole and felt like i had nothing that icould care about. Anything was hard, and could not care less.

And both of those times, apart several years, 2014 and 2023. I did the same I looked for small wins, anything that made me feel it was not all lost. I mean little as in washing my face, getting dress, calling a friend, speak, feed the dogs. Things that i could not do, and it is hard to believe as you would normally would not even offer me a coffe of the amount of energy i have always displayed.

But many factors somehow took me there and I was not coming out weeks went by and felt heavier, all pilled up. My partner at the time had his own struggles, I had no job at the time and I was not use to not being able to work. I had always work since I was 16 and having a job was not only easy but I enjoyed it. The fors t itme I was in a foreging country. Ireland, and my CV was not right I was learning english while being an Au pair at 27 and despite I had 10 years experience working in alredy managment roles I hwas not comming across right I guess, well my CV as I was not even getting interviews. (This was all easy after a few more steps but at the time it felt huge) What it matter is that one evening fedup wtih myself I grab some craft paper like the brown craft paper and hanfg a large pieze from the wall in the bedroom so I see it in my sleep. And everyday I would try to have a positive kind of new addtion after like 10 15 the next one was that i got an interview, and then the job.

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daily: quick life update, where you are, what you are building
solution: problem, fix, result
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